The world has changed immensely since 2020. Some of us left jobs, started new jobs, separated from loved ones, and our financial situations changed completely. If you are going through a tough time this year because you cannot spend the holidays with your loved ones, then this blog is for you.

Your feelings

Understand that your feelings matter and it is very normal to experience this level of sadness during and/or before the holidays. It’s important to take note of how you are feeling in the moment and to make it okay that you feel this way. The fact that you feel this way just means that you hold so much love for the people in your life that you want to spend this holiday with them. So understand that your feelings aren’t necessarily wrong or negative. It just needs to be managed to keep you grounded and stabilised.

The right support

The second, and most important thing to do is to seek the right support. Take note of the support system you have available and choose around 3 to help you through this difficult time. A support system could be your friends, family members, a coach, a therapist, and a helpline. Choose a support system that is non-judgemental, open to listening, and compassionate. If you can, spend time with them. Simultaneously, make sure you are being non-judgemental and gentle with yourself during this difficult time. Remember that nothing lasts forever, and this painful moment is valid, but also temporary.

Self-compassion

Another important thing to do is to sit with your feelings and emotions. Allow these to come up to the surface, and feel them all. They are here to show you what you truly believe and what you haven’t been looking at. So this is a golden moment to reconnect with yourself, practice self-compassion, and release limiting beliefs. Sit with the pain, listen to what it has to say and then release it in meditation. It is very important to have your own grounding practice in these moments. Grounding practices include meditation (guided or non-guided), emotional freedom tapping (EFT), mindfulness practices, and breathwork. Choose the one that helps you release some of the hurt, and include this daily to your routine.

In the meantime, form new traditions. Be open to forming new traditions, and not just sticking to old ones. Create a new tradition for yourself for the holidays. It can be something as simple as making cinnamon rolls and writing down things you are grateful for this year, lessons you learned, and things you love about yourself. If you want to, combine some of the old traditions with the new ones so that you can still do what feels familiar to you. Just remember that the holiday season doesn’t have to be limited to a specific celebration. You can form your own.

What new traditions are you forming this year?

Nothing is harder than being in an environment of unsupportive people, especially when it comes to family and friends. Having the wrong support system is as hurtful as having no support system. While difficult situations like these seem out of our control, you do have a level of control in regard to how you deal with these people. This applies to mental health support, relationship support, careers, and more.

Toxic people

There is a fine line between toxic people and unsupportive people. Toxic people continue to find ways to diminish your abilities, undermine you, talk you down, disrespect you, or attempt to emotionally manipulate you. Being around a toxic person is a draining experience that puts you under a lot of pressure and makes you feel like you’re walking on eggshells. Hurt people hurt people. Beware of who you receive the advice from by determining their intentions and the type of relationship you have with this person.

Unsupportive friends and family

Unsupportive friends and family members usually have good intentions. Their advice comes from their own personal experiences and beliefs. Instead of getting defensive, make sure you ask the right questions to understand their intentions. Asking questions like “Is this something you experienced before?” “Are you saying this based on a past experience?” This will give you a clearer image of whether this person is projecting their own insecurities and doubts, or if they’re just genuinely worried about you. You can educate this person and show them a different perspective on the situation, but it is important to know that it is NOT your responsibility to make sure that everyone accepts you and supports you.

Listen to your heart

Take these moments as golden opportunities to ask yourself if your heart really desires this thing, or if you are chasing after a particular feeling you’re hoping the experience will give you. Make room and space for yourself to simply sit down, and listen to what your heart has to say. Your deepest desires are God-given. Go after what you truly want, and the people who love you will accept you for who you are no matter what or they will work their way to get onboard. Be unapologetically you.

“Love yourself enough to set boundaries. Your time and energy are precious. You get to choose how you use it. You teach people how to treat you by deciding what you will and won’t accept.”

Set boundaries

Boundaries are crucial. It starts with setting boundaries within yourself. It is time to take note of the kind of treatment that you won’t accept and to start sharing your goals solely with those who support you. People-pleasing will keep you in the same cycle for the rest of your life. If this doesn’t sound like a pleasant experience, you have the power to change it now. End the conversations that are seemingly unsupportive, and start walking away from people who don’t serve you right. You have the right to protect your mental space, and to embrace who you truly are. Boldly show the world who you truly are and go after your dreams.