The world has changed immensely since 2020. Some of us left jobs, started new jobs, separated from loved ones, and our financial situations changed completely. If you are going through a tough time this year because you cannot spend the holidays with your loved ones, then this blog is for you.

Your feelings

Understand that your feelings matter and it is very normal to experience this level of sadness during and/or before the holidays. It’s important to take note of how you are feeling in the moment and to make it okay that you feel this way. The fact that you feel this way just means that you hold so much love for the people in your life that you want to spend this holiday with them. So understand that your feelings aren’t necessarily wrong or negative. It just needs to be managed to keep you grounded and stabilised.

The right support

The second, and most important thing to do is to seek the right support. Take note of the support system you have available and choose around 3 to help you through this difficult time. A support system could be your friends, family members, a coach, a therapist, and a helpline. Choose a support system that is non-judgemental, open to listening, and compassionate. If you can, spend time with them. Simultaneously, make sure you are being non-judgemental and gentle with yourself during this difficult time. Remember that nothing lasts forever, and this painful moment is valid, but also temporary.

Self-compassion

Another important thing to do is to sit with your feelings and emotions. Allow these to come up to the surface, and feel them all. They are here to show you what you truly believe and what you haven’t been looking at. So this is a golden moment to reconnect with yourself, practice self-compassion, and release limiting beliefs. Sit with the pain, listen to what it has to say and then release it in meditation. It is very important to have your own grounding practice in these moments. Grounding practices include meditation (guided or non-guided), emotional freedom tapping (EFT), mindfulness practices, and breathwork. Choose the one that helps you release some of the hurt, and include this daily to your routine.

In the meantime, form new traditions. Be open to forming new traditions, and not just sticking to old ones. Create a new tradition for yourself for the holidays. It can be something as simple as making cinnamon rolls and writing down things you are grateful for this year, lessons you learned, and things you love about yourself. If you want to, combine some of the old traditions with the new ones so that you can still do what feels familiar to you. Just remember that the holiday season doesn’t have to be limited to a specific celebration. You can form your own.

What new traditions are you forming this year?

Nothing is harder than being in an environment of unsupportive people, especially when it comes to family and friends. Having the wrong support system is as hurtful as having no support system. While difficult situations like these seem out of our control, you do have a level of control in regard to how you deal with these people. This applies to mental health support, relationship support, careers, and more.

Toxic people

There is a fine line between toxic people and unsupportive people. Toxic people continue to find ways to diminish your abilities, undermine you, talk you down, disrespect you, or attempt to emotionally manipulate you. Being around a toxic person is a draining experience that puts you under a lot of pressure and makes you feel like you’re walking on eggshells. Hurt people hurt people. Beware of who you receive the advice from by determining their intentions and the type of relationship you have with this person.

Unsupportive friends and family

Unsupportive friends and family members usually have good intentions. Their advice comes from their own personal experiences and beliefs. Instead of getting defensive, make sure you ask the right questions to understand their intentions. Asking questions like “Is this something you experienced before?” “Are you saying this based on a past experience?” This will give you a clearer image of whether this person is projecting their own insecurities and doubts, or if they’re just genuinely worried about you. You can educate this person and show them a different perspective on the situation, but it is important to know that it is NOT your responsibility to make sure that everyone accepts you and supports you.

Listen to your heart

Take these moments as golden opportunities to ask yourself if your heart really desires this thing, or if you are chasing after a particular feeling you’re hoping the experience will give you. Make room and space for yourself to simply sit down, and listen to what your heart has to say. Your deepest desires are God-given. Go after what you truly want, and the people who love you will accept you for who you are no matter what or they will work their way to get onboard. Be unapologetically you.

“Love yourself enough to set boundaries. Your time and energy are precious. You get to choose how you use it. You teach people how to treat you by deciding what you will and won’t accept.”

Set boundaries

Boundaries are crucial. It starts with setting boundaries within yourself. It is time to take note of the kind of treatment that you won’t accept and to start sharing your goals solely with those who support you. People-pleasing will keep you in the same cycle for the rest of your life. If this doesn’t sound like a pleasant experience, you have the power to change it now. End the conversations that are seemingly unsupportive, and start walking away from people who don’t serve you right. You have the right to protect your mental space, and to embrace who you truly are. Boldly show the world who you truly are and go after your dreams.

Forgiving yourself can be one of the hardest things for human beings to do. In fact, some people don’t realize that they have put this pressure on themselves.

Everyone is on a different journey, and through each journey, there are bumps along the road. The ability to let go of hurt, pain and resentment seems almost impossible for people when they’re experiencing these emotions. We try so hard to live up to the expectation of having to be perfect, so we put a lot of pressure on ourselves when we fail or make a mistake.

Let’s get to the root of what forgiveness really means and how we achieve that.

In a nutshell, forgiveness is forgetting and moving on from the situation. The idea that you can forgive but not forget is false. If we continue to remember how someone hurt us, we will continue to bring it up whenever they wrong us or irritate us in any way. Once the hurt is dissolved, the memory starts to dissolve, too. If you don’t forget the mistake that you made, you will continue to self-loathe or be quick to criticize yourself on the smallest things. To do this, you have to take responsibility for your actions AND accept that this happened and it’s done. It is all in the past.

The more you dwell on something in the past that you cannot change, the more you make it your present and your future. If you wronged someone, own up to it and apologize. This is for you to grow, whether or not you are getting them back. Your job is to not make every human being love you.

Your job is to become more self-aware and use that awareness to better yourself.

Now, whenever the feelings of guilt or resentment come up, sit with it. Resisting your feelings makes them persist. So take a seat, and let the feeling pass. By doing this, you will give yourself permission to digest what happened, accept it and let it go. This is your time to feel to heal and to also reflect as to how and why you feel a certain way. Ask yourself “Do I want to continue to feel this way?” and “what is a better way to look at the situation?”

Here are some ways to look at the situation:

Every mistake is a learning experience
Perfection means stagnation. Growth stops. Imperfection means more growth.
This is NOT serving me. So what would serve me?
Bringing myself down does not lift me or others up

This is also a perfect time to practice self-compassion and self-love. You are so focused on how you hate a number of things about yourself and the things you failed at.

Ask yourself

What am I good at?
What have I succeeded at?

If you can’t find the answers to these questions, now is your time to shine. Now is your time to set clear goals while also practicing self-compassion. Be more gentle with yourself. If you continue to punish yourself, you will continue to be stuck in this very moment. It is time for a change. It is your choice to make that decision now. You can do better, so start doing better.

Here are three ways to practice self-compassion:

1. Be Your Own BFF – Write down how you would respond to a friend who feels down or guilty, and give that friend advice. Use what you wrote to read it to yourself daily. By treating yourself the way you treat a friend, you form a healthier relationship with yourself which is the most important relationship in the world.
2. Change Your Inner Critic – Monitor your self-talk to recognise when you’re being self-critical. From there you can dissolve the criticism by giving yourself permission to switch these thoughts to self-compassionate ones.
3. Journal & Mindfulness – Write down the inner critic voice you hear to understand the root of this self-talk. Use this as an opportunity to practice mindfulness to let go of the feelings of shame and guilt that come up from journaling. Journaling is a great way to track your progress and to stay on top of your journey.

How are you going to practice self-forgiveness today?

Depression is one of the most common mental illnesses, especially this year with the pandemic. It has been quite a struggle and no one knows what is happening next or how much longer this will last. The unknown future is creating a lot of anxiety, tension and angst which are all interlinked with depression. We are told to just stay positive, pray and hope for the best until it passes, which is true to an extent. However, crossing our fingers is NOT a coping mechanism, it’s a mindset shift that helps us hold on to the fact that a brighter future is coming. If you are battling depression and you cannot currently afford therapy, then this is for you. There are various approaches to coping with depression holistically.

Here are a few approaches that you can try and continue to do what resonates the most.

Social & Mental Approach

This is the social and mental aspect which we have some control over. Our feelings are products of our thoughts, so the first step here to take is to identify any irrational thoughts. Make sure to catch every thought, and ask yourself “does this really align me with where I want to be?” If the answer is no, ask yourself what is a more productive perspective to look at this. By monitoring your thoughts, you have a handle on a huge part of your healing. Your emotions are always valid, so allow yourself to open up, which takes us to the next point. Reach out to someone you trust and know that you can be yourself with, it could be a colleague, a neighbor, an acquaintance, a friend or family member. There is nothing wrong with asking for support and leaning on someone. Even though our happiness is our responsibility, we are still allowed to let someone hold our hands through this journey. Most importantly, set boundaries for yourself. If it feels too overwhelming to be around too many people, then limit the number of people you hangout with and choose the ones you are willing to let in.

The Personal Approach

This is where you stay in touch with your emotions and become your own best friend. Start your day with the Ho’oponopono prayer, which is a Hawaian Prayer for self-compassion and forgiveness. Give yourself the forgiveness, love and kindness you are seeking from the world by repeating this mantra “I love you. I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you.” You can place a hand on your heart and close your eyes as you repeat this. Daily mindfulness and meditation really helps ground you and centres you, so make it a habit to meditate 2-3 times a day if you’re dealing with such painful and hopeless emotions. The next thing you want to do is set daily goals to work towards, things to look forward to that are actually healthy for your mind, body and soul. You can make an hour or two out of your day working on a hobby, some time for self-care and reading a book. These are all things that give you a reason to wake up and it reconnects you with yourself. Create a new routine for yourself to implement all of these, and watch yourself blossom and glow!

Overall Health

Physical health and mental health go hand in hand. Our emotional well-being can impact our intake of food, our energy levels and the number of hours we sleep. Physical health conditions, such as hormone imbalance can make us easily agitated and stressed. Therefore, it is important to nurture our bodies the right way. Nutrition, sleep and exercise can drastically change our lives. Start by consuming nourishing foods that are rich in antioxidants, minerals and vitamins, and start cutting down on alcohol, sugar and carbohydrates. Our bodies need all nutrients in specific amounts and that depends on your BMI, BMR, gender, age and many more. Speak to a nutritionist if you can to create a new plan or look into the tips that are given here. Add to your diet some serotonin boosting foods such as nuts, seeds, leafy greens, bananas, tofu, lentils and beans. If you’re a meat-eater, eggs, salmon and turkey are great serotonin boosting foods. Next, create an exercise plan that you would enjoy (going for a walk, swimming, yoga, cardio, etc…), as physical exercise can reduce depression by 26%. Lastly, you have to get at least 8 hours of sleep every night. The best way to do this is by specifying a specific time to head to bed and wake up. Therefore, you start to train your brain to be ready for sleep at a specific hour.

Let us know which of these of these tips have been helpful. Have a great day because you absolutely deserve it.